“Scientists believe that bipolar disorder is the result of a complicated relationship between genetic and environmental factors. Research suggests that a person is born with a “vulnerability” to bipolar illness, which means that they are more prone to developing the disorder” (Author: Mood Disorders Association of BC).
The question always is, is a person born with this or is it triggered? In this case it’s both. The susceptibility is there but a persons environment can absolutely trigger the onset of bipolar. In my spouses case – his environment triggered, and enabled, the bipolar.
My spouse had an incredibly difficult childhood. His mom was (and still is) a meth addict. He doesn’t know who his father is – his mom said it was this man who we have seen pan-handling downtown Denver as a dirty homeless guy. But there is zero association.
Because his mom hasn’t been able to maintain steady employment due to her addiction – my spouse was in and out of foster care. However, when he was with his mom he endured severe neglect, he witnessed violence and drug use, he was a pawn in her corrupt lifestyle. This absolutely triggered his bipolar. And, living in such a chaotic household only reinforced the ups and downs in mood. As if it were normal…
The calls and texts messages he receives from her now, as an adult, consist of paranoid babbling’s. This is a trigger for him. It takes a few days to work through the roller coaster of emotion after he hears from her. He becomes cold and distant to me. He even projects experiences he has had with her on me!
A few weeks before Christmas 2021, I received a random text from him. He was angry, saying I had attempted to drive drunk with our child in the car. “What the hell are you talking about?! I have NEVER, and will never, drive intoxicated with our child!!” I replied. He didn’t say anything in return. Just radio silence.
A couple weeks later, we were in MT with his adoptive family. My spouse and I got in to it so I shut myself in our room with out little so I could have a mental break from him. His adoptive sister knocked on the door and came in to speak to me.
After a few minutes she shared a situation she observed when my spouse was only 10-years-old; she was about 22 at the time. She said, his mom was high and wasted trying to drive away with my spouse. An argument ensued between his mother and his adoptive family. My spouse was in tears, he was too young to understand his mom wasn’t in the right head space to drive, and his adoptive family was fighting to keep him at the house: safe. It was chaos.
When I heard this story, it clicked that he had been projecting a couple weeks previous. He was projecting on me – a traumatizing situation that he experienced with his own mother. It was insane! And, also an eye opening moment for me..
I immediately decided that we needed to go through counseling together if we are going to get through these psychotic moments. I understand that his bipolar and trauma from his childhood is next level; but at what expense to ME. I had a VERY different upbringing. My parents are still married, raised me in a very average environment, of love, support, and with Christian values. So, experiencing my spouses mental illness, and projections of previous trauma, is actually quite traumatizing for ME!
So, between my commitment to our relationship based on the values i was raised with, and commitment towards creating a healthy and consistent-balanced home life, counseling seems to be my primary option, if my spouse and I are going to be OK enough to raise our child in as steady environment as possible. As I shared in my last blog, our first session was just last week. Lord willing it will help us both navigate our relationship that is already on edge due to my spouse’s upbringing and bipolar.
What are YOUR thoughts? What was YOUR, your partners, your spouse’s, etc., experience as a child? What are the solutions you are creating to make sure your life moves forward in health, balance, and wellness? Comment below! 👇🏻
Bipolar Relationship Support 