“Each human being deals with hurt or resentment in a unique way. When you feel insulted or bullied, you may reach for a chocolate bar. In the same circumstance, I might burst into tears. Another person may put his or her feelings quickly into words, confronting the mistreatment directly. Although our feelings can influence how we wish to act, our choices of how to behave are ultimately determined more by our attitudes and our habits. We respond to our emotional wounds based on what we believe about ourselves, how we think about the person who has hurt us, and how we perceive the world.” – Lundy Bancroft
The emotional abuse I endure from my bipolar partner is debilitating for me. I have no idea what to expect from my spouse – it’s like walking on egg shells. He treats me poorly out of spite alone. He has told me this – words from his own mouth. I, in turn, have nightmares, and feel the fear creep in, and the ambitions and hope I once lived by being pushed out. He says things to me like, “fuck your feelings”, “fuck around find out”, “promise me you won’t call the cops on me”, “I will replace you easily”, and so much more….
I’m afraid of what our fizzling relationship means for the well-being and future of my daughter. It’s a fact that I am the emotionally balanced one who is best to raise our daughter with consistent emotional, mental, and spiritual support. But, my spouse is the one with the financial stability to provide a comfortable living environment. In a perfect world we are great for each other because we each offer what the other lacks, alas, we live in a fallen world……
How do I work though the trauma I have been living with from my spouse, how do I create a healthy living environment without disrupting my daughters life?
Before our Christmas blow out – I was feeling confident as, truly, we have a good life! I take care of our daughter, and run my own business on the side; and, my spouse physically goes in to work everyday to run his business, which I fully support. But, my spouse keeps demanding that I change as a person. I ask what it is he expects me to change and he has yet to provide me with a clear answer. He just… wants something/someone different. He just wants me gone. What do I do with this information?
For me, when I became pregnant, it was a time for us to grow together as a family; for him, and he has said this out loud to me, he was done with us. So why stick around pretending having a family is what he wanted?? And now I’m here, stuck in a rut with a person who basically hates me. do I want to stay with a person who hates me? Absolutely not.
But what are my options?
I’m 35 with a 1.5 year old. I don’t come from a ton of money – and I make barely enough to pay for my last failed business venture (I opened a gym just before Covid was a thing – ended up having to close shop because of Covid after spending $20,000 to build the business)… so now what? I’m building a wedding photography business which is going very well – but – it’s only a weekend thing as I raise my little during the week. So, what am I supposed to do? I can’t afford child care, I can’t afford a place for us to move in to, I’ve looked in to single mom programs but I’m not technically a single mom at the moment, so what now?! Seriously though.
I’m frozen in fear as I never know what to expect from my psychotic spouse. I do believe that a bipolar person still has the ability to be kind – but the trauma my spouse endured growing up has completely disabled this ability within him. He prides himself on being cruel. Which is something I wish he would have shown before we got pregnant. (To clarify, my daughter is the BEST thing I have done in my entire life; which is why I’m already heartbroken over the life she will have with my spouse as her father). When my spouse and I first got together he was generous and supported my ambitions, I was upfront about all of my flaws as I literally have nothing to gain in hiding who i am or the debt I’ve accumulated, yet; all of these things about me are now a problem to him… I feel absolutely deceived. I was “perfect” enough for him to pursue pre-baby. But now that I am a mom and my priorities have changed in order to BE MOM – ‘I’m the bad guy’???
Seriously! What the hell do I do now? I’ve talked to those closest to me, and although they listen well, no one has an answer for me. Next step? What are my options? Continue living in this verbally abusive relationship hoping that our once per week counseling sessions change our dynamic and lives for the better?? I literally feel like my head may explode! I’ve had family say, “you need to physically watch your spouse take his meds to ensure he isn’t lying to you and is actually taking it”. Soooo instead of enjoying being a partner and wife, I’m supposed to be his MOTHER now??? And what about my needs?! I’m dying on the inside but everyone’s eyes are still soley on my spouse because of his terrible childhood… I’m sorry but his terrible childhood doesn’t excuse his poor treatment of ME today! Right?????? Why should he get a free pass at MY expense?????
UHG.
Poor in spirit, hope, finances, and QUALITY ASSISTANCE….
Comment below if you can relate, or have ANY ideas of what a good next step is as my brain is frozen in fear of the uncertainty today…
Bipolar Relationship Support 